What Did I Find While I Was Looking for Peace?

I found peace when I searched inside me.
Ajita Dhaila
Written by Ajita Dhaila

What word comes to your mind when you see this picture?

Serene?

Peaceful?

It was in the most turbulent phase of my life that I took this picture. Also, I did it only to avoid the gaze of onlookers.

What was I experiencing on that day?

Right before I took this shot, I dashed out of my room and walked till this spot only to stop once to buy a scarf to hide my face as I couldn’t fight backs my tears. I still remember staying at this very spot for hours waiting for some miracle to happen. Perhaps I was hoping for some divine intervention.

I thought that if I stay at that spot for long, the calm will sink into me. I was hoping that it would bring some solace along with it. However, I sat there and cried for hours and nothing changed.

My moment of realization

As the sun started to set, I went back to my room feeling as miserable as I was before. Later in the night, while I was reflecting and wondering why even that place failed to calm me in spite of it’s magnitude and effect, a thought floated by. It made me realize that peace is like any other emotion :it will always flow from inside me to the world outside. 

I realized that even the most beautiful place cannot make me feel better when I am carrying a storm within. What I needed was not a change of sight, but a change of perception. And this small thought altered the way I had been living my life till then.

Now, I can sit in the shadiest corners of our capital, shut my eyes, look within and enjoy the calm. This is the calm that I was searching for that day; the calm that surpasses all forms of misery; the calm that Baga Beach in Goa couldn’t provide. On that day, my storms were not letting me accept any  form of peace that the world had to offer.

What did I learn from my experience?

My journey of self-discovery and growth started when I sat down for acknowledging, understanding and at time confronting my thoughts. With communication came clarity and a realization that whenever we try to run away from the storms within, we end up failing. It’s then that the depths of the vortex of that storm engulf us.

So be brave today, sit with your demons and strike a conversation with them. Have a non-judgmental attitude towards your thoughts. Understand! Regardless of how much you would like to believe, your thoughts are like your heart beats-they exist within you but they aren’t governed by you.

Don’t try to push your thoughts away as they will comeback with greater force.  Rather,simply let them exist for a little while without lugging the ownership of your thoughts around. Life becomes much easier when “My bad thoughts” , “My dysfunctional thoughts” and “My ungrateful thoughts” are seen as just bad, dysfunctional and ungrateful thoughts.

When the struggle ends at long last, solutions pop up from the most unexpected places!

Conclusion

Making peace with your inner battles is one of the most empowering things that you can do for yourself. So be it Anxiety, stress, Depression or any other problem you are facing- you can either look at it as obstacles between you and your journey to find peace , or you can look at it as a medium to find peace. Sometimes, consulting a therapist also helps some people in fighting their demons and finding peace. If you know someone who is struggling with their own storms, help them by contacting a counselor from Mind Solace.

After all, the choice is yours to make. 

 

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Ajita Dhaila

Ajita Dhaila

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