Self-esteem is the confidence you have in your worth and abilities. this refers to how much you love and appreciate yourself. Now imagine what it feels like to hate yourself for almost 10 years of your life! All of us have a love-hate relation with ourselves at times but hating yourself each and every moment is pretty much the worst.
I spent almost my entire teenage hating myself and thinking that I need to be someone else to be liked by others. Every single day was a struggle to be a better daughter, a better student, a thinner looking version of myself and so on. I believed once I will be better according to others, then I will love myself. This stemmed from the belief that I would be worthy of my own love only if other people love me.
How did this affect me?
- I was always miserable
- My confidence was pretty much absent
- I was never satisfied with anything I did
- There was insurmountable stress to be a better version as per how other want me to be
- I struggled to maintain my relationship with others, like my family and friends
- I became lonely and distant from others
- It affected my scores in exam and lead to feeling lower
- I felt worthless and weak
Then came a point in my life which showed the opposite of how I viewed myself. I battled with Depression for nearly 2 years. After my recovery, I realized that I have been extremely harsh on myself for a very long time. I do have a lot of good things about me but I always chose to look at the bad things. It is this choice that caused me to have low self-esteem.
What did I do to overcome low self-esteem?
- I focused more on my positive qualities than the negative ones.
- I decided to learn something from each quality rather than judging myself.
- Being happy, optimistic and less stressed became my priority.
- I chose that my identity is not based on what others want me to be. Instead, it is about who I want to be.
- Most importantly, I decided to love myself irrespective of whether others like me or not.
- I stopped measuring my worth by comparing myself with others.
How has higher self-esteem changed my life?
- I definitely love myself more than ever
- My confidence has risen along with self-worth
- I appreciate as well as nurture my skills and abilities
- I accept that it is okay to have both good and bad qualities
- I choose to learn from my negative aspects
- I feel stronger and happier with lesser stress
- Most importantly, I don’t need anyone’s validation to love and accept myself.
- I always make the choice to stay strong and learn from my experiences.
I realized that the key to having a high self-esteem is having faith and trust in yourself and your abilities despite failures. Always know that you are stronger than you think you are. People will always want you to be someone else according to their wishes and choices. But, you do have the choice to be either someone according to others or the one who you want to be. After all, it is your life and you get to live it only once!
I am glad that I could bring this transition on my own but I had to suffer for 10 years. If you are someone with low self-esteem and lack confidence, then reach out to a Psychologist from Mind Solace today.